Day 23 what do we avoid and supress

I think for me I havent avoided any part of the program as I am very driven in a box ticking way , if something has to be done a certain way I throw myself into it wholeheartedly, thats kind of the point of a TMS personality type. But I do know the emotions I avoid is anger and indulge is self criticism and judgment . The event I am most definatly avoiding is my Mammy's death 3 years ago , I had a tough emotional and physical time in Childhood in my home and bullying by kids I had a strong Scots accent when I moved to Ireland at 4 and nobody understood a word a said so different was a target. My Mammy and I were very close and I thought I had no issues with the events of childhood understanding her own mental problems and pressures at the time but when she died a lot has come up. But when she dies we were so close and were firm friends and I was devastated for 3 days and was loosing my grip with family drama over material stuff that I just woke up honest to God and felt nothing on day 4 , I was shocked I was calm and very removed from everything it felt great. But I soon realized I never really thought of her at all and when I did it was immediately shut down and I just left all that somewhere locked in my heart. I developed a pain in my chest like a blockage of pain and pressure and tightness and after investigations was told it was a "grief spot" and it was anxiety and loss but my head did not feel it so much. Now I am working slowly on thinking about my Mam , the good times for short periods and I put some pictures of us up and I will talk for a few moments of her in public. Its very had and not feeling felt easier but it really was not. My pain doubled and is constant and my anxiety is 24/7 my system can take the emotional repression and is giving me all the signals. The start is to know what your avoiding the work ids to try and address it.

 

Hi, Saoise. I think you will learn a lot from thinking and journaling about your relationship with your mother. I did that about my mother and was able to realize a lpt I hadn't when I was younger. It led to me forgiving her, and that healed my severe back pain. Good luck in the new year.

 

I think your right its the elephant in the living room , any ideas on subjects to journal on.