Day1

Hey!

I am currently at day 1. For the past week I have been reading into the week 0.

I have had severe left side breast pain for 1 year. It all started right after my second dose of Modernas vaccine against the Covid-19. I got really sick with high fever that night and since then I have had constant leftsided chest pain. The pain do differ in intensity and may come and go. I have been examined by multiple doctors, physiotherapists and specialists (cardiologist, neurologist and rheumatologist) and alot of different medications and treatments (even though multiple blood samples, nerve tests and two MRIs came back all normal) with no effect.

The pain has been so bad that I have had suicidal thoughts, even though I before was described as the most happy, positive and outgoing person by basically everyone around me. But the pain has handicapped my daily life and captured my mind and thoughts.

My level of acceptance for the TMS diagnosis is 9 out of 10. My doubts are that many people are experiencing the same effects after the Covid vaccine (I have joined a support group for people with side effects (not an Antivaxxer) where alot of people do describe the same symptoms as I have), and even though I am a scientist myself, my brain scares me with the thoughts that maybe our symptoms may differ from TMS. Still my gut says that the TMS seems like the most reasonable cause and therefore I am excited for the ride.

Adde

 

Hi Adde, sorry that you have been suffering. The high fever is a normal response to the vaccine. It's easy for our brains to create a lot of fear around that. Particularly when we go on the Internet. It sounds like the doctors have checked out all the potential complications and that you are all clear. Yay!

In terms of that kind of pain, that chest area is a prone to stress. I had a period of time with severe pain in my armpit area that extended to the breast. You might notice some feeling of muscle tightness?

You only need a 10 out of 10 acceptance that TMS is REAL and that our bodies can create pain that mimics medical conditions.
And the belief that there is a darn good chance that that is what you are experiencing.

The absolute best and most effective advice I can give you is to stay away from the groups of people with "vaccine side effects." They will continue to scare the shit out of you and keep you focused unnecessarily on the sensations you are feeling. Would you be willing to go 3 weeks without going to that group, without looking up your symptoms on the Internet?

If so, would you also be willing to allow yourself have the pain and not "try" to stop it?

If so, you could spend that time instead on exploring your emotional feelings that might be pent up inside. Those of us who present to the world as positive, upbeat and happy have the hidden anger, guilt, etc. tucked away. Spend time on that and you'll find that your chest pain will ease up on its own.

 

Hey!

You are so right. I have ended my participation in the group and I no longer engage in Googleing my symptoms. Of course I know the fever is normal but the automatic response of our brains are to find a logical reason and patterns. Since my pain started immediately after the fever, my brain has been misleading me.

Just as you say. I am happy and positive to the world but tend to not show anger, guilt and sadness to others. I am extremly resistant to stress and can't really say that stress worsens the pain. Otherwise I am aware that stress causes chest pain. I do tend to put other people's feelings before mine and therefore also I am sure that my pain may be due to TMS. I am done trying to stop the pain.

It will be an exciting ride and I look even more forward to see my journey now that I am at day 2!!

 

I'm super excited for you. I think you have found what you need.

I've found that the obsessive checking on ones body in the form of either physically checking or researching or symptom searching or reading forums is what really keeps us in distress. (I did a little of that after I got my vaccine as well. Some twitching in my upper leg. Probably unrelated and I wouldn't have noticed it if I hadn't just been vaccinated but wooo boy....the forums will tell you otherwise until you are convinced you must have gotten some scary condition.)

If it's any help for you to know, I'm the same way as you. Positive, upbeat. Always cheery with others (especially in business). Resistant to stress. Optimistic.
I really didn't think I had any anger or sadness or negative emotions inside me! Once I put pen to paper I found childhood hurt, anger, guilt and ways of being raised that put pressure on me. Things that in the light of day seem/are inconsequential - -and yet they formed the personality and behaviors and thinking patterns of today. 98% great. They have created my life. They are responsible for any success I have attainted, etc. All good! But there is still the 2% not great. They also left behind some hidden fears, needs, anxieties. I focus on those 2% things whenever I get symptoms or the urge to check on myself or to symptom search. And everything gets better.

Good luck on your journey! I'm feeling very confident for you.

 

Thank you so much for you support and comment. It means everything!!

 

This can't be emphasized too strongly. Some people get hung up on the fact that they had normal childhoods in normal homes with normal families, and are convinced that they don't have repressed emotinos. I had that childhood: cherished and raised well by what I still believe were really good parents who found the right balance in bringing up four kids. I had TMS symptoms all my life, even as a child, but they were mild, usually fleeting, and often disappeared upon being reminded that I was stressed out by whatever. My symptoms only came to a crisis at age 60 - I believe triggered by the ultimate rage against aging and mortality.

The thing is, many psychotherapists and psychologists (certainly Freud, as Dr. Sarno learned) have surmised that no one escapes childhood unscathed, even without outright abuse, neglect, or trauma.

I had the exact same experience as @Booble (yep, again ). It took doing this work, doing it very honestly, and allowing myself to take a risk and letting young me emerge with memories - for me to discover all of those little hurts and guilts of childhood, the times of shame, and the times of isolation, and the early fears of the future. I even figured out how I ended up with so much anxiety. It blew my mind. And then it helped heal my symptoms and give me the tools to get my life back and maintain it in far better shape at age 71 than at age 60.

 

What an amazing and inspiring story. I recognise the "perfect childhood" feeling. But as you say, when one starts digging you realise that even "minor" events in an otherwise stable childhood, may have had a greater impact than one could have thought.